Guilt

So I had this post that I’ve been working on for a couple days--”12 Things I didn’t Think I’d Be Thankful For in 2012”, but I didn’t have time to finish it last night and I have another topic on my brain today, so just roll with me.

Guilt.

I’ve become very aware that the longer I’m a mom the more things there are to feel guilty about. I think it’s because I want to be the best mom I possibly can be, but maybe I’m just more guilt prone than other moms out there. Whatever the case-- I’m sure I’m not the only one.

But really, what’s with the gobs of things moms should feel guilty about these days?

Let’s take a simple example. Eliza goes to preschool 3 days a week. She is in class for a mere 2 ½ hours each of those days. Yet there is always something that I need to volunteer for or something that I need to help out with. Always. Now the fact that I have 2 other small children at home with me all day doesn’t seem to curve my guilty feeling. She doesn’t even have homework yet! I simply feel guilty for not being able to help during the school day or not being able to come help out at some activity during one of those “fun” days.

Then there’s the clean house guilt. I really try not to care about my house being messy. Really I do. However, if you’re anything like me you have those thoughts in the back of your head-- what happens if someone random just stops by and if I trip over one more toy I might scream. I also hate the thought of my husband coming home to a messy house after a hard day of work. (Even though he probably doesn’t care at all)

How about the I’m still fat from that baby I had x number of months ago guilt. Yeah yeah I know it takes time to get back into shape. That doesn’t stop those thoughts from creeping into my head. Taking a day off from working out is perhaps one of the guiltiest feelings I have. I’m sure other women have the same thoughts. You just have those days when you look in the mirror and think seriously what is all this hard work I’m doing for anyway.

The everyday things are a mile long. Have the kids dressed, and not just dressed but looking cute, get all the housework done, play with the kids, work out, make breakfast, lunch and dinner, make sure the laundry is done, read to the kids, run the errands, feed the baby every 3 hours, play with the kids some more, take care of the yard, pray, catch up with friends, catch up with family, take a couple minutes for yourself, pray, and look good while doing all of it. That’s if it’s a normal day. I think I can count on one hand how many “normal” days I’ve had while I’ve been a mom.

Guilt.

I haven’t even touched on the parenting side of mothering. We’re expected to have our children well disciplined, well fed, well groomed, well rounded, and well educated all while we set a good example of how to live. Heaven forbid they act out in public or in front of our friends or family.

How about the spiritual side of a child? We need to teach them how to pray, how to act with grace, how to behave in church, how to be Christ-like, how to be a good Christian example for the world, how to love, and how to stand up for your beliefs.

More guilt.

I could probably go on for pages about all the guilt we moms can feel on a daily basis. I wish I could give you a solution for not feeling that guilt. However, I think it’s probably a necessary evil. If you didn’t feel guilt I might worry about you. Feeling guilty means that you know you can do better. In motherhood as in life I think we are never finished growing. There is no such thing as the perfect mother out there nor will there ever be. Guilt is just part of being human.

I CAN say give yourself a break. Although some days it feels like we are supposed to do it all and be everything for each of our kids--this is real life. As long as you can lay your head on the pillow at night and tell yourself that you did the best you could, then you can ignore those guilty feelings. God does not call us to be everything for our kids. God calls us to do the best we can.

So if you see me out in public and my hair is a mess, one kid has marker on his face, the other is in mis-matched clothes, and the baby is screaming, just cut me a break-- I’m probably already feeling guilty about all of that and more. And if I see you in the middle of your child throwing a tantrum and you losing your temper I’ll give you the knowing smile and nod of the head. Then I’ll say a quick prayer for you and turn around to chase my own child down, since inevitably she has wandered down yet another aisle without me.