Love Like Crazy

Sometimes you have those crazy days like Wednesday (see post below) that make you want to not only pull your hair out but seriously question if you’ll make it when another baby arrives. Then you have days like today that remind you to keep going--you’re really not doing too bad of a job raising these children. I think we’d all prefer the calm sweet days when you catch your 3 year old and 16 month old cuddling on the couch. (Eliza actually cuddled Jackson to sleep!) We’d all prefer going to the grocery store for a quick trip and it actually be a quick trip with happy kids. Luckily, it seems that most days are like today. (Thank God!)

These days don’t just happen by accident though. I’ve posted a lot about how crazy my kids can be and how 10 seconds of quiet means big trouble, but I haven’t posted very much on the active parenting that takes place to make the good days good.. Let’s be honest, it’s much funnier to read about the crazy times! Plus, it’s sort of therapeutic for me to “let it all out”.

How do good kids become good kids?

If there’s one thing I’ve learned over my lifetime it’s that sometimes it doesn’t matter what a parent does, kids sometimes turn out nothing like you thought they would. My brothers and sisters are a perfect example of how much a person’s personality affects the outcome of their childhood. There are 8 children and 3 of us are grown, married, successful, with children of our own. One of my sisters just graduated from college and will be starting graduate school in the fall, but it wasn’t long ago that we all thought she was, quite literally, crazy. One of my sisters got pregnant out of wedlock, had a “secret” marriage, and is just now starting to figure it all out. One of my brothers believes he is in the “in crowd” in high school which entails breaking rules and pushing the limits. Then the two youngest, one brother and one sister are still at home, in school, and still growing up. Hopefully, they will take the straight and narrow path instead of veering off. We all have the same parents. We were all raised with mostly the same rules and expectations. Us older siblings often complain that the younger kids have it way easier--but I think that’s just how it goes in larger families. We need something to complain about.

So how did some of us “follow the rules” and currently have happy families of our own and some of us veer a bit? I wish I could answer that. I don’t know if anyone could analyze our family and figure it all out. The only thing I know for sure is that we all have our own personalities complete with free will. I think personality coupled with free will is what makes parenting so darn hard. Don’t get me wrong--these are not excuses for bad parenting. They are simply little gifts that slowly unwrap during a child’s rearing.

As parents we must be active. We must not give up on a tough child. If they do something wrong 100 times then we must correct them 100 times. That’s true if they are 2, 12, or 22. Parenting is not a passive job. Sometimes it sucks to be a parent. Some days when you’ve spanked or corrected a child 1,000 times you just want to give up and hope they’ll get it. Don’t give up. Even the best parents make mistakes. As long as you are loving your child each and every day and make decisions based off of that love first, then you are doing it right. (Even if others don’t necessarily agree) The love that a parent has for a child is one of the strongest loves on Earth. I believe God designed it that way on purpose. We have to love our kids enough to discipline them for the world. When they fight, we have to fight harder.

Love is what has gotten my family through some of the tough times. My parents have been the first example of that love. When the rest of us wanted to give up on a sibling or beat the crap out of them it was our parents who led by example. Their example was always leading by love. (It wasn’t always the mush gushy love either, a lot of times it was the tough love.) Sometimes it took years for that love to be recognized and accepted, but that didn’t stop them. They always did what they thought was most loving and best for the situation. Love leads our family. Love is active just like parenting.

Sometimes I think about how God looks at all of His children. I wonder if He ever wants to take away that pesky free will that I so often wish I could take away. Then I remember that it is our free will to love Him that makes this life so worth living. Just like it’s our free will to love our children or parents. How we show that love is often what defines us. Among all the crazy people and all the sins in this world God’s love will always reign. That must give us hope. Let’s look to His parenting example of love to lead us with our own children. “Never let your praying knees get lazy, and love like crazy!”